Sarah Ban Breathnach

Telling Your Story

"I am not at all the sort of person you and I took me for."

Jane Welsh Carlyle

Mary McCarthy said, "We are the hero of our own story." I want you to start to think that way: You are the heroine of your own story.

When you view yourself as the heroine of your own story, you are given the ability to look at yourself from a safe distance. "The eyes of your eyes" as the storyteller become open; you're not judging yourself or your choices, because this is the stuff of drama.

I think this is what we need to do to reclaim our lives. Recast them as stories. That's what you're doing with your words and pictures, creating a visual memoir.

You might think you are not a natural storyteller, or that writing stories does not come easily to you. But as you begin to record your own stories regularly through images, you'll be amazed at how much you start remembering or recognizing. Recording your stories does not have to mean sitting down for hour upon hour writing slavishly all the memories that come to mind. No, it simply means you should jot things down when you get a glimmer of insight-when you're cutting up vegetables, washing dishes, brushing your teeth. Just note things so that you don't forget them, and the narrative will begin to pull itself together. The work knows more than you do. You're just the storyteller, the conduit.

For years I collected the catalogs of J. Peterman. He illustrated his products with beautiful watercolor drawings, and described them richly, colorfully. One day I selected some of his descriptive words and phrases to define myself-as another way of telling my own story. At the end of this chapter I've listed some of my favorties. Which of these most apply to you?

One of Peterman's lines says, "You know her better than yourself, except when you don't know her at all. A wind sweeping through every part of your life, rearranging even the past. Who is this woman?"

Well, you're going to find out. You can paste these words around a picture of yourself, or you can just put them in you Illustrated Discovery Journal.

If you don't have a picture of yourself that you like now, get one taken that you do like. It doesn't have to be professional; you can do this with a friend. Just get an inexpensive camera, or a disposable one, and take pictures. Have them developed, see which ones call to you, and put them in your Illustrated Discovery Journal.

Here is another way of telling your story: In a wonderful little book called A Creative Companion: How to Free Your Creative Spirit, SARK asks the reader to "Write a portrait or description of your 'ideal self.' Make it glow. Reveal all your best qualities. Start with "I am." Follow her instructions, but rather than make the story too long, keep it to no more than two pages, or five hundred words.

You can begin here:

I am:

Telling my own stories to myself has always been my homeopathic remedy. Each story, usually in the form of a daydream, starred my own romantic heroine, an extraordinary woman who triumphed over her travails with courage, grace and grit. This woman was beautiful and radiant; she reflected, even in the worst situations, the essential characteristics of all romantic heroines-repose of the soul. She was my Authentic Self-my soul made visible.

But I needed, as you will, time and space to grow into my authenticity and to accept myself-not for what is wrong, but for what is gloriously right.

The wonderful writer Kennedy Fraser was once in a period of her life that she calls her "armchair period," a detour of dormancy that strikes every spiritual journey. Dormancy visits all of us, but our fallow time can take place as we are lying in bed or standing in front of the refrigerator. Fraser was encouraged by reading other women's stories, which "seemed to stretch out a hand" that helped pull her through her abyss.

Other women's stories also helped pull me back to the safety of my own sanity.

We can learn from the stories of other women, especially women who change their images and lifestyles to reflect their authenticity. Sometimes these makeovers are called "reinventing." I call it evolution. Don't think, "If I reinvent myself, I'm not true to who I really am." Instead, I say you've never been more faithful! What you're doing is shedding other people's image of who you are, so that the new skin of your Authentic Self is visible.

And you thought you were just coloring your hair!

Chapter 3--Moodlings

Romancing the soul

1. Today, make a list of ten nice things you could do for yourself.

2. If you could go anywhere in the world, all expenses paid, baby-sitter at your disposal, where would you go? Paris? Beijing? Istanbul? Mexico? Santa Fe? Charleston? Why? Who would you be with? What would you do?

3. What emotional talismans do you treasure? These, or representations of them, are the items that will go in your Illustrated Discovery Journal. Do you cherish a family photograph? An heirloom clock? Pressed flowers, dancing shoes, a special tree? Love letters? A trophy, a diploma, a good review? List some of these benchmarks:

The Simple Abundance Companion by Sarah Ban Breathnach. Copyright © 2000 by Sarah Ban Breathnach. All rights reserved. Simple Abundance™ is a registered trademark of Simple Abundance®, Inc. Published by Warner Books, Inc., A Time Warner Company